How Marathon Running Became a Delight…
Running a marathon used to be my “impossible thing". The distance was unfathomable. That is what went through my mind as I completed a couple 5k races and eventually a 10k in my 20s. As I approached 30, friends challenged me to a half marathon, which ended up being the perfect distance for me. Psychologically it was long enough I did not feel the need to prove anything. I knew I couldn’t sprint for 13.1 miles, so the pressure was off. That is when I really began loving running. I did it for the joy. I also realized running was as much about mental stamina as physical, and the marathon started calling to me. Maybe I could do it. I signed up for a marathon shortly before my 30th birthday. It felt like a great goal. To my surprise, I not only completed it, but immediately wanted to sign up for another. Life is funny that way; something I once thought would literally be the end of me was something I was suddenly jumping at the opportunity to do. Yes, it was hard, but the journey to the finish was profound. I was hooked. Now, as I approach 40 and have two little kids to take care of, it became apparent I NEEDED to run a marathon. Wasn’t motherhood, work, and life, marathon enough? Yes, and that’s why it was time to lace up!
By the fall of 2021, I was strongly identifying with the concept of “Burnout” that I was hearing about everywhere. I felt serious gratitude for my life, particularly my daughters and husband, yet I felt restless, listless, and anxious. And these competing emotions left me guilty for not feeling perky and enthused twenty-four hours a day. Should I change careers? Have another child? Sell our house and launch a nomadic #vanlife? I was all over the place!!!!! Luckily, the one impulse I acted on was to enter the Berlin marathon lottery.
I hadn’t run a marathon for four years. I had different aches and pains and realities of a post-partum body leaving me wondering if I could train in a healthy way. For some, the marathon is a reasonable distance (maybe even a short distance in our world of ultra-races), and for others, me included, it’s a big deal. Crossing that finish line became a symbolic reclaiming of some part of me that had flitted away in young motherhood. Training was a jumble of juxtapositions: physically exhausting, mentally rejuvenating, depleting, inspiring, hard as hell and something to be really proud of. In the end, I finished the Berlin Marathon the day Eliud Kipchoge set a new world marathon record: 02:01:09. For me, the memory of swooping by to kiss my daughters just before I crossed that same finish line (albeit two hours later than Eliud ;-)) will always light me up. Life goes on, the ups the downs, the identity crises (big and small!), the joyful moments, the “what does it all mean!!” panics…and sometimes the best way to shut down all that noise is to reject the roles and responsibilities and do something, anything, just for you. Here’s what I learned this training go-round:
TIPS:
Sign up for something – Sometimes clichés are useful. Goals are powerful! A journey towards something is always good for the soul.
Make the time – For years I wanted to be one of those early morning runners, but I couldn’t find the motivation. However, after kids, when sleep is a struggle anyway, I somehow delight in the opportunity to be up before everyone for a little “me” time. Who is this new version of myself? 5am? 5pm? Stake your time and claim it. Also, watching the moon set over sleepy streets at twilight is a nice way to start any day.
Make it Enjoyable – I love the idea of running hours on end with just the company of my thoughts. But that is not my reality, at least not yet. I am a podcast/audible girl. Here are some of my favorite things I listened to while training.
Ignore that guilt – I didn’t realize how well-acquainted I was with guilt until my husband pointed it out. When he TELLS me not to feel guilty, I feel even more guilty. It’s a problem. So, from the perspective of a recovering guilt-a-holic, let it go. There is always a kid, dog or cat to tend to, work to produce, household chores. Do your thing and enjoy.
Support, support, support! – people cheering you on/body care – for me, I needed a core group of people willing to step in and make time for my training (thanks husband and mom primarily!), and I scheduled one massage/month. My hips have been a wreck since childbirth, and I needed physical support to keep me from getting injured.
You make the rules – I hardly ran between 2019 -2021 because I did not feel like it. So, I stopped and returned when a race called to me!
Take the credit – I STILL have a hard time calling myself a runner and I have run 6 marathons and countless halfs. I am a runner, at my own pace, for my own reasons, and on my own timeline. And it brings me great joy.
