A Cynics Guide to Disneyland
For the duration of our relationship, Carl and I took some pride in both having never been to Disneyland. We don’t like crowds, we don’t like rides, and we certainly don’t like paying for either of those things. Basically, we were self-proclaimed Disney curmudgeons. But now that Carl is spending most of his time in Southern California, coupled with being the parents of two starry-eyed kids and the bonus of receiving some free tickets to Disney, how could we not pop our Disney cherries?
It is with mixed emotion; I announce I thoroughly enjoyed myself at Disney. Also, contrary to the comments of several Disney-obsessed family and friends, I have no impulse to return anytime soon.
Here is a rundown of highlights, tips, observations, and major takeaways of our single day at Disney, perhaps our first and last. It was a nearly perfect day, and I am happy to keep the memories of this singular perfection for the foreseeable future.
*Note – I was a literal Disney novice. From purchasing tickets, scheduling experiences, driving to Disney, parking, using the Disney App, understanding the layout of the park, I had NO CLUE. Our kids were equally ignorant, which made keeping Disney a surprise a cinch. The morning of, we announced we had a surprise and gave the girls a million guesses before offering the revealing clue: Where does Mickey Mouse live? They had no idea……
Logistics:
Don’t Leave Home Without: a battery to keep your phone charged!! You will need it. Strollers for anyone who might get tired walking (we took our regular stroller + purchased a second for $25 at Target before hand – this was immensely helpful for the end of the day. Also, there is plentiful stroller parking throughout the park with staff keeping an eye on them constantly), sunscreen, and water bottles.
Tickets: Purchase as early as you can! It was spring break while we were there, and park prices reflected it + sold out (although we luckily had 2 tickets comped!), download and get familiar with the Disney app, make sure tickets are linked, get Genie App.
Parking – super easy. We pre-purchased a pass that appeared in our app. There were a lot of cars, but it was organized. Overall, parking probably took 20 minutes.
What to expect with security: We went through extensive security before boarding the shuttle to the park, which I appreciated. We carried in all our food, many layers of clothing, and two strollers. I had a random bouncy ball in a purse that I use for acupressure massage that they made me toss. They said it was potentially a tripping hazard. I mention, just to illustrate the level of detail of their search. After a bag check and body scanner, we quickly boarded a shuttle and found ourselves at Disney within 7-10 minutes.
Park Entrance (be diligent about making sure all tickets are scanned!): I loved the 70s feel of the entryway. I think I was expecting a splashy modern welcome with a 100-foot Mickey, but the small entry gates look original. Each person had their ticket scanned and a photo taken, except for some reason they insisted they did not need to scan Cece’s ticket (the woman told me Cece had a digital entry and I did not question it). About 30 minutes later when we were well into the park, we realized this was a problem. The app would not let me add Cece’s ticket to the Genie pass. I stopped at two different concierges and was finally told I had to walk all the way back to the entrance with Cece (a long extra walk for a 3-year-old). Long story short, we’d been at the park nearly an hour before everything was straightened out and we could use the Genie pass.
Genie Pass – It was $30 per ticket. I highly recommend unless you want to stand in lines for upwards of 60 minutes/ride. When we finally sorted out logistics, it did not look like rides were available for several hours on the Genie app and I was momentarily annoyed. However, I quickly realized the time slots frequently update. Since you can only have one ride locked in with a Genie pass at a time, they are constantly being released and updated. Within a few minutes, I secured our first ride (Splash Mountain), for a timeslot within 20 minutes (and we had an hour to use it). You also get complimentary photos throughout the park with the purchase of the app.
Rides/Characters – Although we covered a lot in our 12 hours with young kids, there’s still a huge amount of the park we didn’t see. Also, it seemed like if we were in line before something closed, they were accommodating, but otherwise they were very strict about cut-off times. Here’s what we covered:
Splash Mountain (used Genie Pass) – I was terrified to go on this ride because I hate drops (my face in the photo is as candid as it gets… ha ha ha ha!!!!). Cece insisted she wanted to go (ah, ignorance is bliss) and she barely made the height requirement, so our fate was set. Since I am Disney ignorant, I had no idea what to expect. There are three drops on this ride. The shortest is in pitch black. Also, as you wind your way through the river on the log you are accompanied by Br’er Rabbit scenes, which harken to a different era. Carl and I found them nostalgic and creepy, and the girls found them a bit scary. Ultimately, Rose liked the ride, but didn’t want to go again. Cece did not cry but was scared and did not want to go again. She’s our daredevil, so we were unsure how she’d do. I was extremely proud of myself for braving the ride, and happy when it was over. The tour operator assured me this was a “baby” ride and that my 3-year-old would have no problem (I’m scratching my head about this advice now that I’ve experienced the 50’ drop at the end). Clearly there is a difference between people who spend their days in an amusement park and me. I am bummed Cece’s face is blocked in our official photo, but not enough to do it again anytime soon. I’m glad we did the iconic “Splash Mountain” and not sure I need to do it again.
It’s a Small World (used Genie Pass but could have easily gone later in the day with no line) – Ah, iconic, and classic. And in these complicated times, the simplicity and idealism of this song, along with the fact that I haven’t heard it for at least two decades, made this leisurely boat ride a pleasure. It was a welcome pace for Cece after Splash Mountain.
Mad Tea Party – iconic and a must. Everyone loved this ride (and I only mildly felt nauseas after all that spinning!)
Alice in Wonderland – for some reason I loved this ride. It was nostalgic, entertaining, and my level of coaster (i.e. a baby coaster). Rose adored it, Cece was mildly scared, but probably would have gone again.
Toy Story Midway Mania (Genie Pass) – everyone enjoyed fighting intergalactic invaders. Feels like you are inside a video game. Speed was great for all ages.
Astro Orbiter – a parade was starting, so the line was suddenly down to about 15 minutes, and we jumped at the opportunity. The heigh of this ride makes it exciting and using the joystick to pull up and down was fun for the girls.
Parade – it would have been fun to have more of a front row seat, but watching from the Astro Thunder line wasn’t half bad. We heard the music, could see from a distance (and then an aerial view once we were on the ride), and then got some semi-up-close action as we exited the ride).
Princesses – I was so caught up in maximizing rides, I almost forgot character-viewing (I was also surprised at the infrequency of seeing characters walking around, but then realized that their presence creates such a frenzy that their “handlers” keep them moving). We got in line about 20 minutes before princess greeting was supposed to be over for the day. I’m glad we didn’t miss this aspect of Disney (we saw some very angry families being turned away). The girls were gifted autograph books ahead of time, which got the girls excited and helped break the ice when they were star-struck at meeting characters. The books were not on my radar but were fun and will make a great keepsake. Outside of “Royal Hall” (the official character greeting area) was a line to meet an additional Princess (Cinderella at the time).
Bibbidi- Bobbidi-Boutique (BBB)– Going in, Carl and I were certain this would be our one-and-only Disney experience, so we really went for it. We booked this experience about a month in advance of our trip and snagged the last time slot (5:50pm). BBB is basically everything you’d expect: exorbitantly expensive and a magical delight. Time will tell, but I think this is an experience that will stick with my girls forever (and if not, the memory of their faces will stick with Carl and me). We opted for the cheapest option ($99) + purchased a dress on top. In retrospect, I wish we’d purchased the cheapest option + brought our own dresses. I was worried our 5:50pm time slot would be too late (it was the last of the day). Although the girls were a bit tired, this activity perked them right up. They loved spending the evening flitting about in their up-dos, not to mention the hairdos are so secure, they easily last a few days. The dresses were right back on the next morning! If we’d had an earlier time slot, it would have been more interrupting to the day.
Dumbo the Flying Elephant– Around 6:30pm, the temperature dropped and so did the line. We only waited 10 minutes, which made this flying elephant ride well worth it (it is mild after you’ve gone on the Astro planes).
Minnie/Toontown – we had to choose between the line for Mickey and Minnie, and girl power won. She was a delight and “Toon Town” is totally trippy. There is a great playground area for young kids.
Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Train – this was a surprise hit for Rose, Carl, and me. Cece did fine but was a little scared with the noise and chaos. Rose asked to repeat this ride, and I would have gladly obliged if not for time constraints.
Chip n’ Dale Gadget Coaster– this coaster was my favorite ride in the park. Lucky for us, it unexpectedly reopened due to the inability to launch fireworks in the area because of growing winds, so the line was nonexistent. Rose and I did it three times together, then I begrudgingly (ha ha!) let Carl jump in with her for 2 additional rides. If it hadn’t been so late (9pm), we may have tried Cece, but she was too tired and opted to watch. The ride is not scary, very fast, and over in about 30 seconds, for better or worse. Granted, if there had been a line, the experience would have been different, but we had a blast collectively riding the coaster 5 times within about 20 minutes (earlier in the day, the line was over 60 minutes, which would not have been worth it).
Roger Rabbit’s Car Toon Spin – As a huge fan of the movie, I wanted to see this for nostalgic purposes. We had a Genie reservation at 10:45pm, but luckily the line lessened to under 20 minutes around 9:20pm. It was a basic jerking car ride, and although I enjoyed seeing the characters, it was dark, eerie, and scared both kids (especially so late at night). This one was neutral for me. Glad I did it, don’t need to do it again.
Storybook Land Canal Boats – I promised Rose we’d “go through the whale’s mouth” before we left the park. We got the last boat around 10pm (Cece was already asleep, so Carl stayed on land with her). The lights at night were pretty, but it was hard to get the full effect of the story lands so late at night. However, it was a nice mellow ride to end our night, and someone on our boat had a lovely voice and serenaded us on the journey.
Purchases:
Bubble Guns (Impulse) – early in the day, Carl and I joked we should have just purchased a Mickey bubble gun and headed to a park for an equally fun, and much less expensive day (bubbles were the biggest hit for Cece). Accordingly, we caved on the bubble guns. They are ridiculously expensive ($30 each). This purchase was the result of a weak parenting moment…I should have been more prepared. But of course the girls loved them and have been using them in the days since.
Dresses at the boutique. We knew what we were getting into, but it was hard to pay the in-park price for a dress I could have snagged for half the price ahead of time (plus they were out of Rose’s first and second choice for characters). The good news is that our girls are obsessed with dress up and will certainly get good use out of these. We purchased them on the bigger side and were warned park officials might stop us and insist we remove them if they deemed them a tripping hazard. Luckily that didn’t happen (and we probably would have just secured them with a hair tie) but be warned! Safety first at Disney!
At the end of the night, we stopped into our one and only Disney store just before we left. Since Cece was asleep, Rose picked out two plushies, Daisy for her and Minnie for Cece.
Takeaways –
Don’t stress – if you stay in the park long enough, you’re likely to experience nearly everything you’ve set out to do.
Now that I am more familiar with the park, I’d probably try to group activities a little better, but it was also nice to just go where our whims (or the Genie app) took us.
I was so grateful a friend showed me how to work the Disney app + recommended the Genie before I left. This greatly decreased stress.
Double check everyone has been scanned in correctly when you enter the park (when I encountered my issue with Cece, I was told it is a common error, which makes no sense to me).
Bringing our own food was an excellent idea. We purchased a tub of grape cotton candy for each girl in the park, but otherwise ate our own snacks and kept refilling water bottles. This saved a significant amount of money (plus was better quality), so I felt less guilty indulging in experiences like BBB.
Our goal was to sample everything and to keep the pace reasonable. Outside of familiarizing myself with the app, I did very little planning and I think that helped keep expectations reasonable. Without any planning, we went on 12 rides (some multiple times), met characters, experienced the boutique, ate lunch and dinner, and picked up a few souvenirs. We were in the park for about 12 hours. What more could we have asked for?
Not having a very specific plan allowed us to pivot as opportunities presented themselves. For example, I didn’t realize that during big events like parades or fireworks, that long-line rides suddenly become reasonable.
Tip: if it’s your first time at Disney, any cashier will give you a free “First Time at Disney” button + write your name and date, which is a nice free souvenir.
As busy and chaotic as the park is, everyone is dealing with the same thing and generally very accommodating to let one parent stand in line to maximize experience/ decrease wait time for littles.
What I loved:
The smiles and giggles from my girls ALL DAY LONG.
A couple of the rides – Alice and Wonderland, Mickey’s Train and the Chip and Dale Coaster have my heart. Go early or stay late to avoid lines, which makes an infinitely more enjoyable experience.
Music – not going to lie, I wanted to dance with Mary Poppins too! I was singing along all day.
Characters – it must be exhausting being ogled at morning, noon, and night (even if it is their job). I was impressed with how patient each character was and how they tried to personalize every interaction. It is a rare breed of person willing to spread that kind of joy.
Staff – we met a staffer named Alice who stood with us at the back of a character line for about 20 minutes. She shared her story of being bullied as a young kid and finding acceptance at Disney. This is the kind of story that helps me understand why some people want to return to this park over and over, not to mention, the best reason I know to support the Disney franchise.
What I didn’t
Crowds (although everyone was generally very respectful)
Concierge – I was surprised to find it somewhat difficult to find staff for questions.
Cost – but what do you expect?
Well, we survived and even thrived. After all these years, I was curious what Disney was all about (and luckily had the excuse of entertaining a 3- & 5-year-old to take us there). Despite deep cynicism, low expectations, and ambivalence, the magic of Disney cracked my bad attitude. I’m glad we went. I’m glad it is over. I hope my girls relish these memories the way I will.
